Written by: Kyla Oldham
Hi friends!
I’m Kyla! A wife and mom who become a mama through adoption. Our story is a bit unique, because I’m adopted as well! Having been adopted and also adopting has given me a special perspective on how to approach my sons story.
I feel so incredibly passionate about protecting his story and protecting his biological mom's story as well. Because the two are intertwined and forever sacred. While growing up my mom loved to share my story with anyone who would ask or listen. Her intentions, like most mama's intentions, were never malicious or meant to be hurtful. Often, the details that were shared were some of my biological moms worst moments. Things I know she regrets. I often felt like I was left to carry the shame of those regrets when the conversation was over.
When we share these intimate details of our kids' lives, we’re helping continue the perpetuation of a savior mentality that plagues our adoption community. When we share we need to ask ourselves, "what are my intentions? Who’s benefiting from this? And who could be hurt by this?"
We’ve all encountered that one person who keeps calling us an adoptive mom one too many times. Or says “Have you met Kyla?! She adopted her son!” Most of us are quick to smile and say “Hey! I’m just a mom. I barely wash my hair and I’ve worn these yoga pants for 3 days in a row.” 💁🏻♀️ Our kids deserve the same. I often just wanted to be a kid! I didn’t want every person in my life to know intimate details of my background. Most of the time, I didn’t even remember these events! Imagine how uncomfortable I was when I’d meet someone who knew more about my deeply personal story than I knew about them!
It’s so deeply important that we keep the conversation open about our kids adoption. But we need to keep that conversation going in a way that protects them and their hearts.
There’s power in owning your story. My sons story is amazing. I’m forever in awe of how he came to be my son. And one day, if he chooses to, he’ll share it with whoever he wishes! He’s only two years old but I’m already so proud of who he’ll be and who he will impact with his story. I know we all want that for our kids. Whether they are biological children or the children that joined us through adoption. 💛
